Why Does It Have to Be So Hard Being a 12 year old Amy Smith, May 9, 2022September 6, 2025 Twelve. We now have a twelve-year-old. This is our second experience with having a twelve-year-old, and, oh boy, is it a hard year! Looking back, it was a challenging year for me. It seems as though they are always entering a “new phase” from the time they are born until graduation. This makes it difficult for both parents and children. Just as soon as they feel they have mastered one “phase,” they are being moved on to the next. Then the phases seem to have wider gaps between them. Each phase comes with new challenges for both the parent and the child. So, why IS twelve such a challenging year for kids? I am going to give you my reasons. Also, what I learned from raising my now 16-year-old through his twelfth year. The tween years, typically spanning from age 8 to 12, are a whirlwind of change for both kids and their mom and/or dad. This stage of development is characterized by the rapid development of emotions, growing independence, and the first real experience of peer pressure and self-consciousness. As children move from childhood to adolescence, they begin to seek more independence. They start to form their own identities. Around age 12, kids may begin to act, think, and behave more like adults in specific ways. However, they are still young in many respects. They are caught between wanting to be a child and feeling the pressures of being a teenager. Emotionally, 12-year-olds are learning to manage more complex feelings. They are also starting to form their own opinions about the world. Their ability to reason, think abstractly, and solve problems is growing rapidly at this stage. However, these skills and their sense of identity are still developing. Consequently, it is normal for them to fluctuate between maturity and immaturity. During pre-adolescence, children start to pull away from their mom and dad just a bit. They seek more time with friends and their peer group. This can lead to new challenges. Kids try to balance their desire for independence with the need for support and guidance from their family. Ups and downs of feelings are standard, and it’s normal for both kids and parents to feel a bit overwhelmed at times. Understanding that these changes are a natural part of development can help families navigate this stage with more confidence and patience. This period sets the foundation for the teen years. The changes and growth experienced now help prepare both kids and parents for the challenges and opportunities that lie ahead. For many moms and dads, it can be surprising to see how quickly their child shifts from the carefree days of little kids to the more complex world of pre-adolescence. In this article, we’ll explore what makes the tween years so unique. The physical and social changes contribute to this uniqueness. Additionally, the affective development shapes a child’s journey toward the teenage years. We’ll also share practical advice for mom and dad on how to be there. They can talk to their child through this important stage, helping them build resilience, confidence, and a healthy self-esteem. 12-Year-Old Life is Hard Insecurities Twelve is the age when kids become more aware of who they are. Seeing their own faults and noticing features like their weight, their style, and even their personality begins. They are critical of themselves and, in turn, critical of others. They are trying to cover up their insecurities by picking on other kids. Most children are eleven when they enter the 6th grade. At first, the fear of being in a new middle school keeps them out of trouble, but then they quickly become more comfortable in the school and begin to try to impress the older kids. Jabs at their classmates begin… usually around the age of 12. In these new social situations, it’s common for 12-year-olds to feel uncomfortable as they navigate social pressure and try to fit in. Hormonal Changes Hormones are kicking in all at the same time. Outbursts from the typically calm, cool, and collected child begin to occur at home. The combination of all the crazy feelings that happen can throw your child into acting like a child you don’t even recognize when hormones first start changing, the need for feeling accepted begins, the struggles of beginning a new school have set in, and the switch from child to teen has begun. Emotions can be especially intense and unpredictable at this age, making it challenging for both kids and parents to keep up with the rapid changes. It is essential to maintain open lines of communication during this time and discuss these natural changes with your children. The struggle is real for both child and parent. You will start noticing some behavioral challenges (even in the best-behaved kids). Toys will be a thing of the past. They will stop playing with their toys and develop a greater interest in more grown-up activities. This transition often brings concerns for both kids and parents, as worries about fitting in, changing interests, and new responsibilities arise. Their mom or dad may feel concerned about their child’s changing behavior or mental state, wondering if what they are experiencing is normal or if they should seek guidance. At 12 years old, children typically start disliking parents. They will eventually come back around, but their emotions are all over the place during this time. The Tug of War Between Childhood and Teen Years In their minds, they still want to “play with toys.” However, since they are in a more grown-up setting, they fear being picked on if anyone found out. They still like playing with toys. Sometimes, the child feels torn between wanting to hold onto childhood and the pressure to act more mature. This can create an internal conflict about what feels right for them. Most days, they will come home from school and disappear into their bedroom for a nap. They may go outside by themselves to shoot basketball or plop on the couch to play video games. Quality time with mom, dad, and siblings is vital – whether they “feel like it” or not. Mom and Dad can choose practical, compact commuting tools for entertaining together. This could include joining them in a game of basketball or cruising the streets as a family with electric bikes. Consider the XIAOMI HIMO Z20 or a Razor electric scooter. Both kids and their caregivers within the home may try to figure out how to better understand each other’s behavior. They find solutions to the challenges that come with this stage. Tears will begin when they have had it with being torn down by their classmates every day. More on hormonal changes As children enter pre-adolescence, their bodies begin to change in exciting and uncomfortable ways. Growth spurts are common, and kids may suddenly find themselves taller than some friends. Alternatively, they may feel self-conscious about being smaller than others. Puberty brings its own set of changes. For instance, girls might notice breast development and the start of menstruation, while boys may experience a deepening voice, new body hair, and increased muscle mass. These physical changes can make tweens feel awkward or worried. They may be concerned about how they compare to other kids, especially as they become more aware of their bodies and health. Children around the age of 12 start struggling emotionally and physically. Social changes Social development also takes center stage during this time. Tweens are learning how to navigate friendships, handle peer pressure, and find their place in their peer group. The desire to fit in can be strong. Kids may feel pressure to act or dress a certain way to be accepted. Social media and exposure to computers, TVs, and phones can amplify these feelings. These platforms expose children to unrealistic standards and sometimes lead to negative self-image or anxiety. Both mom and dad need to be aware of what their child is experiencing, both online and offline. It is essential to create an open environment where kids feel comfortable discussing their worries and interests. Stressors School life becomes more complex as well, with increased academic expectations and a greater focus on report cards and performance. Kids may feel pressure to succeed, and setbacks can feel overwhelming. Parents can support their child by encouraging healthy habits, such as regular physical activity, balanced eating, and time outdoors. Participating in sports, dance, or other hobbies can help tweens build confidence and develop a sense of independence. It’s also helpful to set boundaries around screen time and inspire face-to-face interactions with friends and family members. By staying involved in your child’s social life—attending school events and meeting other children’s parental supports—you can help your tween develop strong problem-solving skills and a healthy sense of self. It could be a grandmother, grandfather, biological parent, or foster parent. Keeping the lines of communication open also helps. Encouraging your child to explore different interests is important too. Supporting them through the ups and downs of this stage will lay the foundation for a confident, resilient teenager. In the next section, we’ll take a closer look at the affective development that defines pre-adolescence. We will discuss how moms and dads can help their children navigate the complex feelings that come with growing up. Supporting Your 12-Year-Old’s Physical Changes As your child turns 12, they will experience many physical changes associated with puberty and growth spurts. Supporting them through these changes means staying informed, attentive, and proactive about their health. Before your child’s birthday, be sure that you have scheduled a 12-year-old well check with your pediatrician. This annual physical exam allows the doctor to monitor your child’s growth, development, and overall health. During this visit, the doctor will check vital signs, assess physical milestones, and discuss any questions or concerns you or your child may have about puberty and body changes. If you don’t get the doctor’s appointment scheduled before their birthday, it may push the appointment several months after their birthday. Most physicians’ offices get booked up quickly for well-child checkups. They have a set number of well-child appointments and a set number of new patient appointments. This scheduling allows more spaces open to add sick visits to their schedules. Additionally, the 12-year-old well check is the time when your child is typically due for important booster vaccines. These vaccines help protect against illnesses such as meningitis, tetanus, diphtheria, and pertussis (whooping cough). If you choose to vaccinate your child, the pediatrician will recommend and administer these boosters. This is to keep your child healthy as they enter their teenage years. Encourage your child to maintain healthy habits during this time. These include regular exercise, balanced nutrition, and adequate sleep. All of which support their physical and emotional well-being. Open conversations about the changes happening in their body can help reduce anxiety. These discussions may also build confidence as they navigate this transformative stage. Tips on How to Get Through the Twelfth Year: Supporting Emotional Development Give a TON of affection in the privacy of your own home (don’t embarrass them with hugs around their friends unless THEY initiate). Just love them through it. Encourage your child to be open in conversation with you. Actively listen to your child’s concerns and feelings, making sure they feel heard and understood. Be present and emotionally available for your child, especially as they navigate this stage. Ask very pointed questions that require more than a yes or no answer. Play games as a family. Be their biggest cheerleader, even if they are annoying the mess out of you! Understand that they are confused about how life seems SO different! Monitor how much time your child spends on activities online or staring at a screen. Motivate healthy eating habits and be aware of what your child likes to eat. Support your child’s interest in new activities or friendships, including those with individuals of the same or opposite gender. Help your child stay focused on positive goals and healthy habits. Involve other family members in supporting your child and building a strong support system. Maintain supportive house rules and routines to create a stable environment. Limit video games and TV time. Allow them to escape for a while to decompress after a hard day. Remind them often how much it hurts to be criticized and inspire them to be the “better kid”. Give consequences for bad behavior. Make a bigger deal of good behaviors with less focus on the bad behaviors (discipline, yes, but don’t focus more on the negative than the positive). Keep them active. Keep them active. KEEP THEM ACTIVE!!! My Personal Experience With My Son Being 12 Years Old My son’s friend attends another school. His mom was just telling me last week that he had another 12-year-old tell her child that he didn’t amount to anything and should just kill himself. Kids can be MEAN, especially at twelve years old. I am sure that kid didn’t REALLY feel that way about my son’s friend. He is probably struggling and just lashing out at someone else because he “can”. It makes him feel better about himself for the moment. As parents, it’s natural to worry about our children’s well-being. We especially worry when they face such harsh comments at school. My son needs alone time each day to decompress. He is small for his age and gets picked on often because of his size. I know he is far from perfect and says things that hurt other kids’ feelings. However, I find that the more confidence he finds in himself, the less he lets their critical comments deter him from being angry. Sometimes, children may feel like they’ve done something wrong. They may think there is something wrong with them when they are criticized. Therefore, it’s essential for parents to help them understand mistakes without shame and support their self-worth. 12 year old on a Razor Scooter He loves to get outside and enjoy the fresh air. It is good for him! One of his favorite things is to ride his Razor Electric Scooter. Feeling the fresh air as he rides helps him relax. It relaxes him in ways that he can only do on his electric scooter. It gives him a freeing feeling. A feeling of independence. A breath of fresh air! It is time to get alone with his thoughts and realize he is better than what the kids at school may have told him during the day. As his mom, I love that he can enjoy some time outside instead of sitting in front of the TV. Our friends at DadsAgree.com offer some parenting tips for communicating and raising successful kids, if you’re looking for more tips from a different perspective. Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) Why is being 12 years old so challenging for kids? Being 12 is a time of significant physical, emotional, and social changes. Kids are navigating puberty, developing their own identities, and facing new social pressures, which can make this year especially difficult. How can parents support their 12-year-old through these changes? Navigating the emotional landscape of a 12-year-old can be a complex journey for parents. Especially as hormones begin to influence their moods and behaviors. One practical approach is to embrace the idea of different personalities within your child. Recognizing that they may oscillate between being joyful one moment and withdrawn the next allows you to provide the right support. This can be done without taking their mood swings personally. Inspire open communication by creating a safe space where they can express their feelings without fear of judgment. This not only fosters trust but also helps them articulate their experiences. It can be a cathartic experience. Additionally, it’s essential to validate their emotions rather than dismissing them as mere teenage angst. Acknowledging that feeling overwhelmed or irritable is part of their developmental phase can empower them to process their emotions more constructively. Engage in activities that promote emotional intelligence, such as journaling or art. These type of outlets can serve as healthy outlets for their feelings. By actively participating in their emotional journey, you can help them cultivate resilience and self-awareness. This equips them with the tools needed to navigate not just adolescence but life’s challenges ahead. Parents can support their child by offering affection in private, encouraging open conversations, actively listening, setting clear boundaries, and being present. Encouraging healthy habits and involvement in activities also helps. Being 12 comes with a lot of challenges. These include navigating changing bodies and the physical and hormonal changes of puberty. These factors can impact self-esteem and confidence. What physical changes should I expect in a 12-year-old? Typical physical changes include growth spurts, the onset of puberty, such as breast development in girls, voice changes, and body hair in boys, and increased awareness of their changing bodies. How does social life change for a 12-year-old? At 12, kids become more focused on their peer group and friendships. They may experience social pressure and a desire to fit in. This pressure can sometimes lead to conflicts or emotional ups and downs. How can I help my 12-year-old handle peer pressure? Maintain open communication, motivate your child to express their feelings, and help them develop confidence and problem-solving skills. Being involved in their social life and setting clear expectations can also reduce negative peer influences. What role does screen time play in a 12-year-old’s life? Screen time can impact self-esteem and social interactions. It’s important to monitor and set limits on screen time to ensure a healthy balance with physical activity and face-to-face interactions. How can I tell if my 12-year-old is struggling emotionally? Signs include sudden changes in behavior, withdrawal, mood swings, or declining academic performance. If concerned, talk openly with your child and seek professional advice if needed. What are some good activities for 12-year-olds to build confidence? Sports, dance, hobbies, family games, and outdoor activities can help build confidence and provide healthy outlets for energy and emotions. Share on FacebookTweetFollow usSave Parenting Tips Reviews 12 year oldchildrenlifeparentingpreteenrazortwelve
Great post, I don’t have 12 year old may be in two year I will get one. Thanks for sharing the tips. Yes I am dreaded more than her about teenage life.
My daughter is just about to turn 13 this year. 12 years old has certainly been an interesting year. In many ways she is coming into her own, which is great.
I have a 15 years old. This is a great article written by you with some awesome tips there to handle the tweens and you as a parent.
I know I was a difficult kid and I can only imagine how hard it is raising kids. But this is a great post for parents.
A really great post for other parents in the same situation. I can still remember being 12 lol and it was a strange period! I think alone time is important for adult and kids, very insightful reading.
I remember 12 was a difficult time for me. The minute the hormones started to kick in, everything changed.
I do not have kids but I know that 12 is definitely a tricky age! it is good to communicate and understand their mindset.
You’re so right! Dealing with 12 year olds can be super hectic and requires too much understnding. I will agree that you should be open with them and engage in conversations with them unless you want them to freely explore everythign without minding the consequences.
If we get older and older we realize that life is so hard. But in every failure there’s a lesson we can learn and we need to adopt it itself. and those tips will help younger kids how to get through in 12 years old.
I dont have kids but i kinda imagine how difficult it is to raise a 12-year-old. Thanks a lot for sharing, love it.
I do not have any kids but reading this reminded me when I was young! oh my, those were challenging years and I guess more now with social media!
That’s right that being a teenager is not an easy time. I even don’t remember how it was like when I was 12 years old. Hope your tips will help some parents in need. 🙂
12 was the age where I started turning into an A-HOLE. hahahaha! By the time I turned 14, I was sent to boarding school. It will be interesting to see how much son acts when he is in his teens. But then again, I can’t even think about that right now because he’s only 3 months old, hahahaha!
Oh my I am already scared for mine to reach there. My son turns 6 this year and as much as it is a long time to reach 12, I am already fearing what I am in for.
My son just turned thirteen last February and I still can’t believe that I have a teenager son. I do know that I will need a lot of patience for him while he is on the teenage years.
Those were really great tips. My daughter is now 12 years old. I can’t believe it. There so many things have changed. This is what I needed
My daughter would LOVE this scooter. She just turned 12. And yes, it can be a tricky age, that’s for sure.
My daughter is 12 years old and she was on a stage of being conscious about herself. And she is asking to much question about everything,
12 is a tricky age as it’s the time before teenage years that they are beginning to figure things out. Great and informative article
WOW! these are just so powerful words and such a great reminder that our little ones do face difficult situations everyday and that we are here to empower them. I felt love all over this post! thank you for sharing!
We are a few years away from this stage yet. Mind you my boys are only 4 & 8 but more like going on 13! They keep me on my toes for sure. 🙂
Twelve is one of those ages isn’t it? So much going on, it really is a challenge. It is so important to encourage conversation with them.
That is definitely an age that can be a challenge. Not yet a teenager and not feeling like a kid any more. Starting to grow up and learn a whole new set of things for this age. Staying active is definitely a good idea to keep the body and mind healthy.
12 is definitely an interesting age. We’ve only been through it once so far, but I think it’s when most things change.
I have a 12 year old kid and it was quite a challenge. he sometimes cant control his emotions thus guidance is very much neede. before him, i had two other 12 years old. my experience with them helped me discipline my tween.
It’s a tough time of adolescence- growing into your own person when constantly surrounded by peer pressure. As long as he has a strong support system at home, he will come out on top.
Growing up is hard but it gets better with time. He will be ok just be supportive and understanding and all will be well
I can’t even imagine how hard it must be to be a mom when your child goes through adolescence. It’s a hard time both for the children and their parents, and it’s important to exist understanding and love from both sides.
I have no children but even if I am not a mother I am very close to the themes of child and teen psychology and I believe that pre-adolescence is the most difficult moment to overcome for parents and children.
The tween years are tough. I remember them well, and now I’m watching my kids go through them. Even when everything is running smoothly, there’s always something that seems huge and portentous about the future. It can be tough!