Scars, Everyone Has Them…

Today, as I was getting ready for church, I was trying to find a dress that covered up the scars on my neck from having three muscles and a rib on each side removed (4 months apart) due to TOS (Thoracic Outlet Syndrome). I started thinking about scars. Scars tell a story. The bad parts of life. For all practical purposes, my personal scars represent pain, anxiety, loneliness, depression, sleepless nights, relying on others, heavy burdens for my husband, added responsibility for my kids, increased financial strains, missing chunks of my kids’ lives, as well as many tears. 

We often want to cover up those scars so no one sees them, and no one reminds us of the sadness that those scars have brought. We want to cover the pain and pretend it isn’t there. There are some scars we don’t even have to think about covering because they are in areas that are effortless to hide. Places that maybe only your spouse would see. I have scars below my shoulder near my armpit, so those are scars that I don’t even have to try hiding. They are naturally hidden from all but the one closest to me… my husband (and occasionally my kids if I’m wearing a tank top to sleep in). 

This is the same with “scars” in our lives. Everyone has them. Some due to our own foolishness or scars others have given you. Sin leaves scars. Hurt from others you may have loved and trusted leave scars. Often, we want to cover up those scars. Sometimes the outside scars heal, but there is still so much healing needed internally. Forgiving yourself or forgiving others for their emotional imperfections will bring healing. Other times, the internal scars have healed, but there is always a visible mark that others “see” that makes them not forget mistakes you’ve made or burdens you’ve carried. One that you want others to ignore and not label you with. 

My physical scars from my TOS surgery are healing but never stop hurting (just less pain), but at any moment, the intense pain can hit. We can fool others by putting on a smile and not letting them see how much we are hurting. 

There may be situations that leave us broken, hurting, and in constant turmoil that no one knows about or only the ones closest to you know. It doesn’t mean those scars aren’t there. They are just hidden. The pain can be harder to bear because no one knows just how bad the hurt internally may be. 

I say all of that to say everyone has some scar. Maybe it isn’t a physical ailment that needs healing. Perhaps it’s guilt for something they have done in the past. Maybe it is from the loss of someone you love. Perhaps it’s a hurt from something someone in your past has done to you. 

The only way for my physical scars to heal correctly is by taking prescribed medicine for the pain, turmeric, and ice for swelling, and getting help from my surgeon and physical therapists to break up the scar tissue and build the strength back up. It’s hard work, but it’s necessary if I want normalcy. I will have pain at least on and off for the rest of my life, but it will get better than it is now by putting in the work. 

If you have emotional scars, you battle with, hidden or not, seek healing. The only way to truly heal from those is forgiveness (of either yourself or others… or maybe both), seeking help from the Great Physician (God), and gaining strength by digging into the scriptures and finding answers, support, and comfort. 

Always remember that you may never know what scars someone may have. You may not know the pain they are dealing with. They may not want anyone to know, but it’s still there. 

So, be kind. 

Love people. 

Be understanding. 

Don’t dig if it isn’t someone close to you. They may not want to expose everything but want people to understand they are hurting. It’s never good to rip open scars that are healing. 

Speak truth. 

Be patient. 

Just know that some days are more challenging for people to smile and mean it. 

And most importantly, if YOU caused someone else’s scars, help mend those scars just like a surgeon who made the scars works with the patient to help the healing process. 

Deep scars don’t heal overnight. It’s a process. Sometimes a complicated process. Sometimes a process that seems like an eternity. Healing will come in time. Know your boundaries and take things slow. Put in the hard work and rely entirely on the Lord to help you with internal healing!