Feeling Like a Defeated Housewife?
When you think of the word housewife or stay at home mom, what comes to mind? I think of raising children, keeping a clean house, and cooking. There are a million other things that also come to mind but those are the three that seem to categorize all the other thoughts that pop in my head.
As a stay at home mom myself, another word comes to mind. Defeated. Most people look at a stay at home mom and measure her by how clean her house stays, the gourmet meals on the kitchen table each night and how well her children behave. I am in trouble!
I don’t always have a clean house (I have kids…. need I say more), not every night do I cook let alone have a fancy meal prepared, nor do my kids behave perfectly. To everyone else, I may look like I’m doing a pretty good job at this stay at home mom thing. So why does the word defeated come to mind when I think of stay at home moms?!
Working moms go to work, have a list to accomplish and most of the time can SEE the progress they have made. They can feel successful when they meet deadlines, accomplish a big task, or get a pat on the back from a co-worker or boss. When you are a stay at home mom, the list of to-dos start over every few hours and rarely do you get a pat on the back! You can work from sun up to sun down and still never see the accomplishments!
1. Comparing Myself To Others
I’m so guilty of seeing all the other moms on Facebook who in one day have made their children 3 home cooked meals, had a play date with friends at the park, made a super artsy craft with their child, cleaned house, gave baths, rocked their kids to sleep, read them a stack of books, managed to keep their clothing, hair and makeup in place ALL DAY long, took tons of pictures of their kids all day long with nothing but smiles on their clean faces and then went to bed by 9pm.
I call it super mom syndrome! Knowing that these mom’s don’t really have all day every day of perfection but all we see on social media is their “perfect life”. Stop comparing! It’s not always so perfect behind closed doors.
My cousin is an AMAZING mom with some pretty AWESOME kids. 5 of them to be exact! I LOVE how real my she is on facebook. She posted this photo with the caption that is written below the photo. It is refreshing for me to see posts like this! Just because they “have it together” doesn’t mean that their life is perfect! Just know we ALL have days like this where it seems as though anytime we turn around, our little ones are doing something crazy like THIS!
2. Expecting More Than What is Possible
I am one to turn “wiping down the kitchen counters” into reorganizing every single cabinet. Stop making your life full of to-dos!
3. Basing My Self-worth on What I Accomplish
Your self-worth has nothing to do with what you see accomplished at the end of each day. I will clean all day long and still go to bed with laundry that needs to be done, a bathroom that needs wiping down or dishes to wash.
I still have to get on to my children every day multiple times a day. If I am basing myself-worth on THOSE things, I am pretty worthless! A housewife’s duties NEVER end. Stop basing your worth on your accomplishments! In a few years, when your children are grown is when you will finally SEE the accomplishments you have made!
I have just told you three things I do wrong… I often have to make myself STOP and remind myself of the FOUR ways to NOT be defeated. (Always make sure you have more positive reasons than negative reasons)
1. Make a Positive Difference
Find one way each day that you can do something to make a positive difference in someone’s life. Big or small.
2. Focus on LOVE
Take time to love on your kids and husband. They ARE the reason you are a stay at home mom anyways, right?! If I have done my job loving them (even IF they reject my love), I have done MY job as their mother. Remember kids do NOT enjoy being disciplined so it is common to feel like they don’t see it as love!
3. Cherish the Time.
The whole reason I chose to be a stay at home mom is because I wanted to cherish the limited time I will have with my kids. I am not knocking those who need to work. I have had to work at times while raising my children so I get it! If I am cherishing the time, then I have accomplished a big part of my goal!
4. Lead by Example
If I am living my life the way I should, I am being a positive influence on my children and those around me. That alone can and will go further than anything! Make sure you are leading your children by the example you set.
Chin up, moms! You ARE making an impact in this world! One day, these little ones will have little ones of their own. You will see all your hard work pay off in the end! Don’t keep feeling like the defeated housewife!