Q&A with the Author of Angry Me

Sandra V. Feder

Sandra V. Feder is the author of Angry Me, a children’s book about anger and its management. In this Q&A, Sandra discusses how she came to write the book and what she hopes children will take away from it.

Q: Parents hope to honor all their children’s emotions but dealing with anger can be difficult. What was your impetus to tackle this emotion as a topic for young children?

A: One of my three daughters had more accessible access to her anger than her sisters. Once, when she was young and got into trouble, I sent her to her room and told her to think about what she had done. She turned to me and said, “You think about it, Mommy!” I must admit I was taken aback. And I had two distinct reactions: I wanted to praise her for sticking up for herself but knew that she had to learn the rules of our household.

After more small battles with the same child, a good friend said something that really struck a chord with me as a parent, and that turned out to be one of the inspirations for this book. She said: The thing that can be hardest for you as a parent may be one of your child’s greatest strengths. 

Wow! I found that to be very true. My child, who did not go quietly and contritely to her room, was a challenge for me. But her anger has served her well as she has grown. She knows how to stick up for herself, and just as she learned to fight her own battles, she likewise deeply feels the injustices of the world and is hugely empathetic to others.  

Q: Why do you think it’s essential that children and caregivers talk about anger?

A: I don’t think there’s a single adult I know who would say they never get angry. Anger is a natural and normal emotion, and in order to fully honor the emotional intelligence of our children, we need to first acknowledge their anger and then help them develop coping skills. 

In the book, I have the angry little protagonist try to use her words to help resolve the situations that have led to her anger. For instance, after a classmate takes a toy away, she says, “I was playing with that. Give it back, please.” But I also make clear in the story that words don’t always work and that sometimes it’s the words of others, such as a parent, that help a child let go of anger.

Q: Were there any surprises for you while writing this book?

A: Yes! I remembered how hard it can be to be a child. You get dragged along to do errands, and other people make decisions for you and don’t always take the time to explain how or why. So there can be a lot of reasons to feel angry! I wanted to show a child experiencing everyday situations at school, home, and out-and-about that could lead to anger. And then offer some ways to soothe those feelings. 

Another surprise for me was how beautifully the illustrator Rahele Jamepour Bell was able to show the physicality of anger, whether hunched shoulders or a furrowed brow. 

Q: This book and your other picture books deal with the joys, fears, and emotions young children experience. Why have you chosen to address those topics?

A: I like to write about issues that feel significant to me as a writer and mother. So much of our parenting lives are spent trying to help our children develop resilience and a good sense of themselves. That doesn’t mean we can shield them from all the ups and downs of life, but we can and should help them learn that life is full of both the complex and sweet parts.

Q: How can parents help do that?

A: My story ends with the little girl saying: “Anger comes from deep inside and bursts out. But then, it’s gone. And then, I have room for a new feeling. One that feels much better.” I think this is what I would want any young child to know — that anger is a normal feeling but one that won’t last forever. 

After talking with educators and parents about this book, it became clear to me that if we don’t help our children find healthy outlets for their anger, that anger can turn inward and lead to stress, anxiety, and other mental and physical health challenges. In this story, art is a way the protagonist releases her anger. Sports and other physically active pursuits can be healthy ways for children to get strong feelings out. And so can talking. As a parent of young children, I spoke to them about all sorts of emotions they were experiencing. 

My next picture book is a companion to Angry Me, called Peaceful Me. It’s about slowing down and appreciating the world around us. A little boy tells us when he feels peaceful, what takes him out of that feeling, and finally, how he tries to find his way back.

I think we’re all searching for a bit of peacefulness in our lives, and as parents and caregivers, I believe it is essential to acknowledge that children might need help finding that quiet place within themselves.

Conclusion on the Q &A from the author of Angry Me

In light of the above, it is evident that helping children deal with their anger in a healthy way is essential. This can be done by providing them with outlets to release their anger, such as through art, sports, or talking. Furthermore, it is important to teach children that anger is a normal feeling but one that won’t last forever. Doing so can help prevent them from internalizing their anger, which can lead to stress, anxiety, and other mental and physical health challenges. Finally, it is beneficial for children to learn how to find a sense of peace within themselves. All of these points serve as excellent takeaways for parents and caregivers who want to help children deal with their anger in a healthy way.