DO YOUR RESEARCH Before Choosing Medications and Treatment
I have always had an incredible memory of things from the past. Taking myself back to a specific memory while able to almost picture it as if it was happening all over again was my specialty. Reminiscing was honestly one of my favorite things. I had a ton of happy, great memories growing up that I tucked away and pulled out anytime I felt like going down memory road.
Family and friends, as well as, all the memories made with them are beyond important to me. I am a BIG family girl! Most of the time, I had people ask me, “How do you even remember that stuff?”. Well, I’m not sure. I just do. Well, I did.
A year and a half ago, I had gone through invitro-fertilization. Through the invitro, I was pumped full of all sorts of medications and hormones. Needless to say, my body did NOT respond the right way. The invitro failed (which you can read about HERE), I went through severe depression while being diagnosed with PMDD. Before being diagnosed with PMDD, I had been put on multiple medications to help with the depression.
Problem was, I really didn’t need the depression medicines since the cause wasn’t a lack of serotonin, it was an irregular balance of my hormones.
After a hysterectomy to correct the PMDD, the serotonin inhibitors had fully kicked in which caused undiagnosed serotonin syndrome. Since the doctors did not put two and two together, they continued to increase my medicines.
In the meantime, they started me on a treatment called ECT. Each time, increasing the strength of the treatment. Basically, they would sedate me, induce a seizure to reset my brain to cure the deep depression.
The depression got worse and EXTREME anxiety kicked in! I couldn’t take it anymore and wound up back in the hospital. Finally, a team of doctors realized I had serotonin syndrome.
As the doctors realized what was going on, all medications had to be stopped cold turkey to prevent life-threatening conditions. The feel I had had the serotonin syndrome for at least a month so immediate action needed to be taken. The doctor came in to talk to my husband and I (and maybe my parents as well… I don’t remember), telling us that by stopping the meds cold turkey, my body could experience very traumatic symptoms.
For a few weeks, my blood pressure was through the roof. There were times I had to be given IV fluids during the night to keep me from having seizures.
My heart would race, I itched from head to toe and felt like I could literally jump out of my skin. The doctor compared it to one who was detoxing from heroine after years of abuse.
It was scary. Often at night, I would pace as fast as I possibly could just to try to get some of the anxiousness out of my system. I can picture my husband sitting on the chair in my parent’s basement praying and crying while begging God to get out of my system!
My body would shake uncontrollably; yet because my heart was racing so fast and my blood pressure was through the roof, it wasn’t safe to exercise to get the anxiety under control.
Finally, the serotonin syndrome went away.
Memory Loss Brings On Anxiety
Unfortunately, because of the ECT treatments, I LITERALLY lost about a year to two years worth of memories.
I still suffer from pretty bad anxiety when I see photos of myself places over the last year to two years and don’t have ANY knowledge of EVER being a part of whatever was going on.
I have twin nephews who were born during that time with no recollection of when they were born or even the first two times seeing them.
I went on several trips that I have ABSOLUTELY no remembrance of including a full week long trip with my family and church family. Looking at pictures especially from those times and not being able to remember it gets me very anxious.
When Memories Are Gone
Last night, Josh took me to a restaurant he had taken me to for my birthday this past year. He had told me about our special date there. When we got there last night, I looked all over the building inside and out TRYING hard to remember being there. It was as if it was the very first time I had ever been there. I sat quietly with my leg shaking uncontrollably… anxiety through the roof. Not being able to remember ANYTHING is a super scary feeling.
When others reminisce about the special times from the last year or two, I typically sit in silence because my anxiety kicks in full gear.
I have not shared all of this with a lot of people but after talking to a friend who is looking into some of the same treatments, I decided to share my story. I was desperate for change and was ready for a quick fix to stop feeling depressed. I was willing to take any medication, go through any kind of treatment and talk to any and all counselors.
Looking back, I wish I had taken more time to really research everything. January 1st, my husband and I took all the leftover pills that nearly killed me and flushed them down the toilet. I am thankful to have been able to get rid of all those harmful and unnecessary medications. It was truly an emotional time seeing the many different “drugs” I had taken in such a short time.
I was literally popping any and all pills the doctors would prescribe.
Make Sure You Do Your Research!
I am blessed to have lived through it and want others to be aware. Make sure you do your research! Not everything is right for everyone. I am not knocking medications OR treatment but just want to make sure that you don’t just let doctors drug you up! I am happy to say that other than my estrogen, I was able to get off all my medication and feel SO much like MYSELF!
I understand medication is needed for some. In NO way am I saying to come off all your medicines. I did that under a doctor’s care. I WOULD highly recommend making sure you are not just covering up whatever the root cause of your problems may be. All I needed was a hysterectomy and some therapy to help me through the depression from infertility.